Laid Off - Part I

I thought I would start a blog to capture what I am now calling "My Big Fat Layoff Experience". I was going to start journaling again as a coping mechanism, but I have so many random thoughts during the day that I thought this might be a better forum.

Many of you have heard my layoff "origin" story, but I will recap it for those you haven't. A week ago Tuesday, I sat down with my boss for our regularly-scheduled one-on-one meeting. I went first (as usual) and recapped my progress on the items I was working on. After I was finished, she told me that we were going to be proceeding with a 5% reduction in force, most likely occuring on Thursday, November 20th. I wasn't surprised because as I had been walking past her office earlier that day, I overheard her discussion with a manager, which alluded to this action. During our discussion, she said that every department was going to be affected, to which I responded, "Every department? Does that mean we are going to be affected as well?" She replied that as of that day, she hadn't been told that we were. She also stated that she didn't think that we would because G&A was going to be grouped together for this action and because our department had managed two people out for performance earlier in the year and had only replaced one position.

I left that meeting with a lot of emotions. On the one hand, I felt horrible for the people who were going to be affected. This economy, this time of year - it just made me feel sick. On the other hand, I was glad that my department was safe. However, as the week progressed, I became less and less uncertain that HR was going to get off scot-free. Why would we? From what I knew about the CEO of the company, if every department was going to be affected, EVERY department was going to be affected.

Unfortunately, I began to come to the realization that my position was the most vulnerable. I was located at a remote site that was much smaller than our headquarters location. Most of my job duties could probably be absorbed by co-workers in California. It's not a good feeling when you come to the realization that if a layoff happens, you're probably going to be the one affected. I had dinner with my grandparents on Friday; they told me that if it happens, it happens, and there's nothing I could have done to control it. I tried not to worry about it; easier said than done, especially for me! Over the weekend, I proceeded to create my "Strike Plan" - where I could go to look for a new job, who I could reach out to, and other helpful websites and information I should have on hand. I reviewed our finances on Sunday.

When I got back to the office on Monday, my level of certainty that I was going to get laid off increased. My boss was behind closed doors most of the day, sometimes in meetings and sometimes not. When she wasn't in her office, she did not engage me. I made a list of items in my office that were "mine" and that I would need to take with me when/if I would exit.

Two days ago, a week after my boss first officially told me about the pending actions, we were back to our regularly scheduled one-on-one meeting. She got up to close the door - uh oh. We never have our meeting behind closed doors. She sat down and said, "I have something serious to discuss with you." I remember that clearly - after that, she said something to the effect of, "Last week when you asked me if HR was going to be affected, I told you that we were not going to be. However, I have since learned differently. We are going to be affected, and unfortunately, your position is the one that is going to be eliminated."

GULP.